How to Become Deadly Attractive in Business

We like this post by new contributor Laura Leigh Clarke. The technique for becoming deadly attractive in business could just as easily apply to all those New Year's Resolutions and key business goals for 2013. So, with that seemingly unobtainable wildest dream in mind, give it a go ...

Ever wondered how it is that some people just have all the luck and opportunities just land in their lap? How is it that those same people seem to have such presence, and an ability to negotiate what they want out of any situation? And maybe this is you, some of the time, when you’re on top of your game... but how can you make this you, all of the time?

Well the true answer lies not in practicing your negotiation skills or working harder at what you’re already doing, or necessarily schmoozing the right people. The real answer lies within your own psyche, and rests on your inner confidence.

The problem with this is that most of us playing at a certain level are assumed to already have that inner confidence – how else did we get here?

But the truth is, no matter how confident we feel on the outside, if we’re not managing to make that next step upwards in building our business, or we’re feeling frustrated because things aren’t moving quickly enough, it often has much more to do with our inner world than our outer circumstance.

In coaching hundreds of business owners to increase their revenue, I’ve found that the biggest shifts in revenue are preceded by big changes in their inner confidence.

This is all very well, you may be thinking, but how on earth does one apply themselves to the task of increasing one’s inner confidence in business, with a solid, proven strategy? (Not some popcorn magazine suggestion of ten steps to unleashing your inner goddess...)

Well it’s really quite straight forward, but like anything it takes a bit of focus and work before you see the results.

How to Increase Your Business Confidence

The first step is to decide exactly which area of your self-confidence you’d like to improve. Whilst you’re doing this, just be aware that taking ANOTHER course or reading ANOTHER book isn’t going to change the way you feel and perform.

Yes, information and training is good... but there comes a point in every woman's life when she has to stand up and use the resources she has at her disposal already.

So choose a precise area you’d like to work on. It may be working with your immediate team mates, being able to attract investment, it might even be creating sales from your list of prospects. Whatever it is, define it in a few words, take out a clean sheet of paper, and pop those few words in a bubble at the centre of the piece of paper.

The next thing we’re going to do is create a mind map with a twist. Instead of just mapping anything, we’re going to instead map your self-esteem. We do this by thinking of all the reasons why you deserve to have the outcome you’ve put in the central bubble.

To record your reasons, put them in bubbles with spokes coming off the central one.

This allows you to think freely and widely about all the reasons why you deserve to have that venture capital deal, or why you deserve to be well respected by even the most difficult people on your board.

And don’t be afraid to put down reasons that you think are silly. What we are trying to do is create an evidence trail in your mind that reinforces the central idea that you are worthy of the outcome you’ve chosen to work on. It’s like growing roots throughout all difference areas of your memory and psyche, joining things up and creating a solid belief that this outcome belongs to you.

I recommend finding at least 200 reasons why you deserve to have this outcome. You may need to expand onto other pieces of paper. Generally what happens is that somewhere between about 120 and 200 reasons, something chances. You will feel an internal shift. You will think about things differently. You will think about yourself (especially in relation to the outcome you’re working on) very differently. Indeed you will have flicked from “I can’t but I’m working on it anyway” to “I can do this. Of course I can do this”.

Create an evidence trail in your mind that reinforces the central idea that you are worthy of the outcome you’ve chosen.

Let’s look at an example.

Let’s say your goal is to secure £2 million worth of funding for your next project. 

In the central bubble of the diagram write the words “reasons why I deserve to secure £2m funding”. Then start completing the bubbles coming off that central bubble with reasons why you deserve that outcome.

Examples might include:

  1. I managed to raise funds when I was in secondary school.
  2. I am great at connecting with the right people.
  3. Mr. X said that my concept was sound.
  4. Group Y said they would support me if I secured the first £1m.

Then, unless you have a track record of securing funding, you may be struggling for what you think are “valid, solid reasons”. But that’s ok, because your self-esteem isn’t a CV. Your self-esteem will be nourished by anything you give it… so dig wide and dig deep. Even having the dedication to stick at a job you hated, or winning a hockey tournament in your first year counts as one of your 200.

So, what else might you include.

  1. I chose to leave a perfectly good job to pursue what I’m passionate about.
  2. My best friend thinks I can do it.
  3. I’ve been for a jog every morning this week.
  4. I got a first in my University degree.
  5. I managed to pull a team together to deliver an important project.
  6. I work well under pressure.

Whatever you can possibly think of that you can give yourself praise for, no matter how big or small, pop it in a bubble in your Because I’m Worth it Map – because you really are worth it, and you can indeed achieve whatever goal you set for yourself.

Tips for Reaching the 200 Count (where the shift solidifies in your psyche)

You can keep coming back to this. You don’t have to do it all in one sitting. Take out the map between meetings, or on your commute home, or whilst you’re waiting for the kettle to boil.

What you’ll notice is that once you get started, new reasons will keep coming to light as your mind works on the task whilst you are doing other things. Conversations with others will trigger new ideas that you can add, and as you find more reasons, and your confidence increases, you’ll be opening the flood gates to find even more.

Also consider things in every area of your life: your past, your present, your family, your friends, any reasons from the way you train at the gym, or evidence from university, achievements at work (no matter how large or small)... Make sure you cast your inner eye around all areas you can possibly think of to really root out, and then re-lay these reasons, to create a network of evidence for why you deserve the outcome.

The Result?

People email me all the time with incredible results they have had using this technique: from suddenly creating an influx of new clients, to resolving problems in relationships to creating an ideal situation in their work environment.

One lady I worked with works in the Hollywood film industry. She did this exercise to feel more confidence working in the team she was in. She was an employee of the film making company at the time, and was having difficulty with one of the directors of the company taking her work seriously and ended up doing all of the leg work in keeping the company operating. Having reached over 200 reasons one evening she went into the office the next day and had a conversation with one of the other directors.

She mailed me that evening saying that they had a meeting and that she was now cut in as one of the directors of the company and entitled to a profit share.

Another young lady who works in PR did this exercise because there was a jacket she really wanted. It was out of her budget at the time, but this didn’t stop her lusting after it. She did this exercise as to why she deserved to have that jacket… even though it cost a couple of times what her mortgage was. Within a week of doing this exercise, she had a windfall of the exact amount the jacket cost, and off she went to buy it.

The trick is to decide what you want, and then do the work to prove to yourself at the deepest level that you deserve it… and then send me a Tweet with the results YOU produce! I’d be thrilled to hear.


We all think we have good self-confidence, but often there are areas that we are unsure of ourselves and don’t acknowledge. This technique you have just learned (I call it a “Because I’m Worth it Map”) allows you to create solid inner confidence in any area at all that you might need a boost. It takes some time input and effort… but the results are well worth it, as you will find once you experience your first shift.

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